i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
