I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
