You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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