i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
please don't ironically join a cult
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