after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
