giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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