I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
