i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
