I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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