I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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