You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
