Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
