You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize