I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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