She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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