every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your penis caused this!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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