Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
