Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
