someone get that fucking seahorse.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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