This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm like, not good at living.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dude. I can hear the air.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
