guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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