If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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