Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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