I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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