this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
