Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
