Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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