This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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