As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
