Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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