new low.... made out with someone while peeing
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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