I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
