She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
