new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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