I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
