Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
