i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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