Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
