No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
