remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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