I got chris browned last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
