Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
