im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
