He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
