He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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