So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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