can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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