why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
