This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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