Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
