I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
