I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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