Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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