if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
