She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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