ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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