Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
