I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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