how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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