That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
