Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
