I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
