it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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