my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
