She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
