in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
