Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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