You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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