Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
