do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
