I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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