I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
