I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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