watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
